Origin Stories: Yours Truly.

A portrait of SouthernSuitor done by @Valcoviac on Instagram.

I have been experimenting with a new format for the site, in which all posts (member fiction, origin stories, my own fiction, and my own pictures) will appear in the password-protected Blog page. So here's a repost of my own story.

My friends and family never really dressed in suits and ties when I was growing up. So, for me, the first inkling of the fetish was the old Indiana Jones and James Bond movies. I enjoyed watching well-dressed protagonists getting into compromising situations: they would start off perfectly dapper and suited, and, as the action unfolded, their shirts would get untucked, ties loosened, sleeves rolled, buttons popping open. Something about that iconography fascinated my young mind. It felt like the wardrobe directors of these films were using the deteriorating state of their heroes' clothing as a way of communicating not only masculinity, but vulnerability. The loosened tie became a kind of "life meter" (to use a video game metaphor) for the hero's dignity, offering titillating glimpses of his body beneath his finery as each thread got nudged out of place.

In real life, I snooped around my father's closet, trying on his shirts, ties, dress slacks, and loafers. I would wait until he was gone to work, and secretly wear them out in our back yard, or in the shower, hoping to simulate the scenes in those movies that had such an effect on me. That last part was a terrible mistake. He once found one of his dress shirts soaked, and was furious at me. I had no way to explain to him why I did it.

In middle school and high school, I was bullied by jocks. But I noticed, too, how guys would interact with shirts, suits, and ties differently than other clothing. In high school, we would sometimes have to put on shirts and ties for "professional dress" days to give presentations or go to student conferences. This was a formative experience for me, getting to try on my father's shirts and ties in public for the first time, for a "legitimate" purpose. For me, the professional uniform felt comfortable, empowering, masculine. I felt strangely energized by it. But by contrast, the jocks who would bully me would complain about their stifling shirts, tug at their collars, fidget with their loafers. The clothing that made them feel so weak and uncomfortable seemed to challenge whatever they thought of as their masculinity, whereas for me that same clothing made me feel invulnerable.

In college, it was getting to see the lawyers and bankers strutting about in their seersucker. This would be the significance of the "southern" portion of my name. And, as I shopped thrift stores and Brooks Brothers sales, I began to build a wardrobe of my own.

I joined Recon in 2004, and discovered MenAtPlay the same year. I began writing erotica and posting it to the MenAtPlay forums. On Recon, I chatted with other suitmen, and found that I was not alone in this fetish. It has been central to my queerness ever since.